Ingress

I have been getting into Ingress as of late. Certainly helped encourage walking and exploration around the area, and has made my usual commute a lot more entertaining.

The other day I spent a good part of the afternoon capturing portals downtown, linking up the Resistance (yes, go blue). Almost got a field going, but alas...timing cut short, and later that night had all those portals destroyed and turned into the resistance, those green bastards.

While coincidence, I was also woken up to a sea of green, and my school becoming a field of cacti...

NOT cool, guys!

Seriously, I'm green with envy now.

PAWed out

So PAW happened and furries came. My thoughts in a nutshell:

 I paid 30 bucks for a glorified furmeet!

Collegiate II

So... yeah, college.

Last I talked I mentioned checking out Carrington for medical coding. Money-wise, I feel it's risky for me to go into something that, while bread and butter, have zero enthusiasm nor interest in.

Heck, as it wasn't even my choice in the first case, I've been left depressed at being dictated and "smothered" into what I do not want to go into.

I do not wish to invest more loan debt into something I know I will not be enthusiastic on but coerced into by internal/external nanny necessity who presume by my behaviour that I will by no means survive as an adult let alone am responsible enough to. Granted, having been in such an environment for two years hasn't helped much. I've started to believe in this self doubt (which, to my chagrin has caused further delays in projects that would possibly help in long term). It isn't fun, but I'm not sure how to escape and rebuild my confidence.

Update:

After discussing family on this over weekend, I've come to call off Carrington, to my relief. However, I still need to look further, to chagrin, in regards to career (I just wanna do what I love, however laughable that is for a millennial... god I hate that term). In essence, I'm  more lost and confused as to what to do. Looking into tech but not sure what field, just something that can occupy my Cogswell loan while I'm able to work on my project. Animation is still a passion and aim for me (however weak it may feel now due to inistial disillusion), and I would still be in such a school if it weren't for the Gen Eds preventing me from doing anything of animation beyond basic form.

Enough rambling, I shall see my options... just let me ponder.

Hasta marfle!

Surely I Must be Dreaming

The other night lead to a series of odd dreams, yeah, it sounds cheesy, but they're fun to analyze, if you can, to your own interpretation.

First off, I was in this spacey futuristic tin house,  with this horse, and various agents out to get me. This was followed by me about to head off on a train trek from Fresno (of all places) to around the country, but was so sick and dirty that I kept expelling green gunk in the shower.

Later on, I found myself getting a job in Vancouver. Or rather, a mall with various roller coasters in place of stores, with a layout not unlike the Roseville Galleria. Main entrance on north had water toboggans which I attempted to slide down on. Upon waking up, I couldn't tell fantasy from reality for a brief moment.

A night prior had me dreaming I was in a fancy field dodging a man and then suddenly finding myself at a furry party....with nobody noticing me, and suddenly getting a rash after eating chips. I woke up immediately after storm warning and quake. Checked my arms upon waking up - they were perfectly fine.

Last night was pretty much Dreamception. I woke up thrice from my dream. Both cases I dreamt that I had woken up in my room and began doing my daily routine, only ridiculously more sleepy... and only to wake up.

Feel free to interpret as you wish.. I'm gonna take a walk and ingest coffee to carry on.

Hasta Marfle!

Decaffolf November

So I'm gonna challenge myself again, as the drug of energy no longer affects me and frankly is a detriment, I'm taking a break from coffee and caffeine for a month, as a challenge and a way to ween myself off, hopefully resetting in the process.

Letsee how this goes, and if I suddenly dissolve within then next week or so.

I Need a Human

Am I stubborn? Why am I afraid of change? Have I been so sheltered and guided all my life that I am unable to think for myself? How do I solve my problems? Change with least pain?

My goals have been changing constantly this year and yet I feel like I am regressing back to childhood dreams, checking the web instead of truly being productive in the hopes of getting an answer. Am I really so weak willed and impressionable? Is it weak to want consistency? Why do I refuse to work hard for what I want? Why am I so impatient?

I question the way I was raised, but you can never change nor regain the past, only learn and apply elsewhere.

"The Devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape with pointy horns, he comes as everything you ever wished for" - Tucker Max

Halloween Folf Logic

Interesting day that was, waking up to rain.

I spent the night before working on a fox mask. Got everything done with that.

Well... almost everything; I forgot the paint!

Anywho, didn't have much time and went to Carrington with family to get financing stuff done (and still dying inside in regards to this path).

Rain happened, and kinda threw off family plans. I wanted them to come to Campbell with me for Trick or treating with furries (kill two birds with one stone, they say), but we all decided on getting sushi and watching movies at home instead (understandable, hyperactive little sister + rain = not good mix). Personally, it felt a bit... Fresno to me, however fun it was. On an impulse, I applied folf logic for the evening, caught between two decisions for events that evening (Either trick or treat at Campbell or Party in South San Francisco). Something that I was very undecided upon until reaching Diridon, at which point folf logic went as followed:

1. Rain happened. Seeing as the Campbell meet would be migrating to Santa Cruz, I'd rather go on something that won't swerve off the path and into the mountains (like, say, a train).
2. I never finished that fox mask, and by the time I was at the station, the last light rail that'll make it to Campbell on time had passed in front of me.
3. Free food?

Ended up buying a Caltrain ticket at last minute, and boy do I regret that choice. The party was a bore, and barely knew anybody. Drunk strangers popped by and police came later. Joy. Combine this with reading tweets today on the various fun times had down in Santa Cruz gave me a case of FOMO and has made me really question my decisions.

Eh, what's past is past. There's always next year.

Hasta marfle!